Canada





Canada is the largest and most liberal country in North America, bordering the far inferior United States to the south and northwest. Although its economy relies heavily on that of the United States and Canada shares much of the same culture, Canadians still differentiate themselves by not being racist, homophobic intolerant conservative rednecks. Hilariously, these same people often claim that Canada is suffering in some way because homosexuality has "eroded their morals." This rampant liberalism made Canada the best country in the world, until recent electoral fraud led Conservative Stephen Harper to be Prime Minister. This resulted in an immediate and drastic decline quality of life for all, particularly because we all knew he planned to spend the entire surplus on bombs. If Stephen Harper and his Alberta Conservatives hadn't won the election in 2006 & 2008, Canada would be the greatest nation in the world.

Canadians in Ottawa know how to spend their money. They enlighten the public and avoid Rupert Murdoch's propaganda (called Global in Canada) through the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) or the French-language division la Societe Radio-Canada (SRC), while Canada is in Afghanistan, Canada hasn't fought a real war since Korea. Most Canadians don't like war and instead give everybody Universal Health Care and Comprehensive Education, which explains the rampant liberalism. Canadians are also one of the funnest people in the world as everyone plays with either the Toronto Maple Leafs or the Montreal Canadians while they drink Molson, Labatt or some other awesome Canadian beer, and the beavers and mounties join them. While it is -5866°C nobody takes notice because everyone is having such a great time, especially in Newfoundland and Nunavut. When the game ends, the party is far from over, only one person has ever checked their watch (only once). Canada would be even better if the NDP or the green party got elected. Their national sport is Lacrosse NOT hockey. They have also nationally legalized gay marriage since 2005.