American Civil War

The American Civil War was a war between the good, real American, pattriotic, democratic, North, and the evil, racist, conservative, dark empire of the South. It all started in the 1850's. The North was a very nice place, where white and black people lived happy which each other. The birds sang, the bees hummed, and flowers where all over the place. In the meantime, the dark empire of the South was a nasty, evil place, where racist rednecks held black slaves, because they where to lazy to work themselves. In the meantime, they said that the black where lazy, so they felt good abou themselves. Then, both the North and the South wanted to add the state of Kansas to their territory. Why the hell they wanted that, is still unclear to all scientists, because who the hell wants to live in Kansas anyway. But anyhow, they both wanted Kansas. The Northerners, as good, friendly liberal democrats, wanted to talk about it, and form a committee on this problem. But the damned Southerners took their weapons, began to shout "yeeeee-haaaaw!", and shoot at the poor Northerners. Then Abraham Lincoln, who was a Republican by accident (but actually a Liberal), said "no more, stupid Southerners!". And than the Southerners got mad and they began to start a new country, called the Confederate States of America. It was headed by Jefferson davis, who was a great-grandson of Darth Vader. He had a huge black helmet and a light sabre. Whenever he approached a room, the Star-Wars tune was heard: "tun-tun-tun tun-de-tun tun de tun...".... anyway, you know how it sounds. So Abraham Lincoln used the force and mobilized a group of Northern yedi knights, an for 4 years there was war. The Southern troopers where really nasty, they ate babies and raped inncoent elderly people. In Kentucky, 6 innocent clowns where brutally taken hostel by the evil Southern rednecks. They where tortured, like in that moviwe Hostel, you shopuld see it sometimes. Abraham Lincoln was by the way murdered by an evil guy named John Wilkes Booth, because evil guys don't like good guys. Anyway, in 1865, the great, democratic, liberal North won (huuray!), because the good always triumfs over evil. The Southern negroes where freed, but they still had to live with some damned rednecks, who could not stand it that they're ass where kicked. So the Southerners started the KKK, and began to set houses of innocent, unarmed people on fire, which is of course the bravest thing for a Southerner to do. And that is how it all ended. Ever since, the Southerners still think they sort of won the war, but we know better.