Ridiculous quotes from Conservapedia

All of the most ridiculous quotes from Conservapedia you find can be posted here. You MUST source all of these quotes. You may source archive versions of the pages but please do not source vandalism, except in cases where a constructive edit is removed for having a "Liberal Bias". Please to not put large articles or huge chunks of articles in here it's OK to just place in the more interesting bits.

From Theory of Evolution
"All of the greatest intellectuals and scientists in history, from Archimedes to Aristotle to St. Augustine to Francis Bacon to Isaac Newton to Lord Kelvin proposed and accepted an evolutionary process for a species to transform into a more complex version." 

"Although Darwin is most well known regarding the beginnings of the evolutionary position, evolutionary ideas were taught by the ancient Greeks as early as the 7th century B.C." 

From Liberal hypocrisy
George Clooney, actor

Hearing that fellow actor and guns-rights advocate, Charlton Heston, suffers from Alzheimer's disease, he said:

"I don't care. Charlton Heston is the head of the National Rifle Association. He deserves whatever anyone says about him."

Clooney starred in the film The Peacemaker, in which he played an American military man defending the country from a nuclear attack; scenes in the film showed him using a gun to defend himself and others.

(yes, that's right—CP is criticizing an actor for acting)

From Kangaroo
"origins theory model used by young earth creation scientists, modern kangaroos are the descendants of the two founding members of the modern kangaroo baramin that were taken aboard Noah's Ark prior to the Great Flood. It has not yet been determined by baraminologists whether kangaroos form a holobaramin with the wallaby, tree-kangaroo, wallaroo, pademelon and quokka, or if all these species are in fact apobaraminic or polybaraminic.

After the Flood, these kangaroos bred from the Ark passengers migrated to Australia. There is debate whether this migration happened over land[6] with lower sea levels during the post-flood ice age, or before the supercontinent of Pangea broke apart[7] The idea that God simply generated kangaroos into existence there is considered by most creation researchers to be contra-Biblical. "

From Joseph McCarthy
". . . anti-McCarthy historians have credited and celebrated Murrow as playing a major role in damaging Senator McCarthy's campaign to remove security risks from the U.S. government." and "The resolution condemning Senator McCarthy has been criticized as a ridiculous attempt to silence the strongest voice in the Senate investigating security and loyalty risks in the U.S. government."

"Beginning in 1950, McCarthy became the most visible public figure to stand up to Communist infiltration of the United States government. He is now considered an American hero by many, though liberals still seek to tarnish his name."

From Examples of Bias in Wikipedia

 * 1) Wikipedia promotes suicide with 21,544 entries that mention this depravity, including many entries that feature it (Conservapedia will not provide citations to the more depraved entries on this subject at Wikipedia as Conservapedia affirms the sanctity of life). For example, Wikipedia referred to it needlessly in the very first sentence of distinguished jurist Henry Friendly's entry,[5] and Wikipedia's entry about Zerah Colburn ended with a claim that his distant nephew committed suicide.[6] After this criticism appeared here, these two entries were fixed (and in the case of Friendly, reinstated before being fixed again); there has been no system-wide removal of this bias on Wikipedia. In yet another example, Wikipedia has an entry for "suicide by cop"[7] to discuss attacking a police officer to provoke a suicide, citing an unpublished PhD thesis at an obscure university. 

Well should Wikipedia prevent people knowing when someone has committed suicide? Knowing what causes suicide can help prevent it.

From Al Gore
In 1988 Gore courted the support of "liberal" activist Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. In appreciation for Phelps help and support of Gore, Phelps was provided tickets to the inauguration of President Clinton in 1992 and 1996.

Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church have been the subject of much controversy for several years, having acquired a reputation for hosting the infamous anti-homosexual, "God Hates Fags" website.

Conservapedia includes obviously photoshopped pictures of Gore with Phelps. In truth, the two have never met. Does this break American libel laws?

From Dinosaur
Young Earth Creationists believe, from the biblical account, that dinosaurs were created on day 6 of the creation week[5] approximately 6,000 years ago, along with other land animals, and therefore co-existed with humans. As such, they reject the Theory of Evolution and the beliefs of evolutionary scientists about the age of the earth.

They believe that dinosaurs lived in harmony with other animals in the Garden of Eden, eating only plants[6]; that pairs of each dinosaur kind were taken onto Noah's Ark during the Great Flood and were preserved from drowning[7]; that many of the fossilized dinosaur bones originated during the mass killing of the Flood[8]; and that possibly some descendants of those dinosaurs taken aboard the Ark are still around today.[9]

They use spurious archaeological, fossil, and documentary evidence to argue that dinosaurs co-existed with mankind until at least relatively recent times.

God makes fun of animals
The Platypus is ridiculous. Other animals like some rats also look ridiculous to humans. This shows that God has a sense of humour. Alternatively God put ridiculous animals onto Earth because in some unspecified way they warn sinners about possible damnation. 

(so a loving god would intentionally mutilate animals for the amusement of humans? Why?)

From Atheism
Some have asserted that atheists do not exist. In regards to a biblical statement on atheism Sir Francis Bacon stated in his essay Of Atheism the following regarding atheism: “ The Scripture saith, The fool hath said in his heart, there is no God; it is not said, The fool hath thought in his heart; so as he rather saith it, by rote to himself, as that he would have, than that he can thoroughly believe it, or be persuaded of it....It appeareth in nothing more, that atheism is rather in the lip, than in the heart of man. ”

In addition, Christian philosophers and apologists Dr. Cornelius Van Til and Dr. Greg Bahnsen argued there are no atheists and that atheists are actively suppressing their belief and knowledge of God and enigmatically engage in self-deception.

From Homosexuality
"In respect to homosexuality and mental health, studies have long indicated that homosexuals have a substantially greater risk of suffering from psychiatric problems (suicide, depression, bulimia, antisocial personality disorder, and substance abuse)" Wikipedia shouldn't talk about suicide but Conservapedia can. Really? Who did thees biased studies? Conservative Christians?

From Pornography
Pornography provides the illusion of intimacy, [3] but this is a satanic trap (see sexual addiction). Pornography consumption is not something that can easily be stopped. Once the appetite for it has developed, it actually increases. In his 1988 study Pornography Effects: Empirical and Clinical Evidence, Victor Cline, then with the University of Utah's Department of Psychology noted that studies show pornography is progressive and addictive for many. It often leads to the user acting out his fantasy - often on children. [1] The Internet is the "crack cocaine" of sexual addiction. [2]

Due to a series of liberal decisions beginning with the Warren Court, pornography is aggressively sold and distributed in the United States without meaningful law enforcement. It is a $12 billion industry that affects and harms 40 million Americans. Pornography destroys relationships and exploits young people.[5][6]

''Relationships must be specially bad in the Bible Belt because they buy more porn there than in other parts of the United States. Come to think of it relationships are bad there. ''

From Sin
Sin is any failure to conform to the letter of a given code of morality, or the state of being of one so failing to conform, or the state of the world that results from such failure.

Only by trusting in Jesus Christ as God's offer of forgiveness, can we be saved after sinning.

From Liberal myths
Liberal myths are heavily promoted falsehoods motivated by a liberal belief system.[1] They include:


 * The claim that the population has increased by a large amount, and human beings are beginning to overpopulate. (This myth is an attempt to justify abortions)
 * The claim that people today are more knowledgeable than in prior centuries.
 * The claim that the Bush tax cuts substantially reduced 2006 revenues and expanded the budget deficit.
 * The claim that the Bush tax cuts have not helped the economy.
 * Anthropogenic Global warming.
 * The claim that a fetus is not a living human being.
 * The claim that gun control reduces crime.
 * The claim that abortion and breast cancer are unrelated.
 * The claim that gambling financially benefits state school systems
 * The claim to support the rights of women, never mention the oppressed women in Muslim countries.
 * The claim that the media is not biased toward the liberal agenda.
 * The claim that enabling oil drilling will not reduce long-term energy prices.
 * The claim that enabling oil drilling will not provide energy security.
 * The claim that same-sex couple adoptions can replace the love from a mother and a father.
 * The claim that an individuals sexual preference needs to be a protected civil right.
 * That there is a vast right-wing conspiracy
 * The claim that opposing the homosexual agenda is bigotry.
 * The claim that the US acted unilaterally in Iraq (The USA and Britain led a 30-nation coalition in Iraq)
 * The claim that President Bush stole the 2000 elections.
 * The claim that President Bush lied about WMD in Iraq to grab oil.
 * The claim that Saddam Hussein was not seeking to buy yellowcake Uranium.
 * The claim that the 9/11 terrorists attacks were an inside job by the USA.
 * The claim that Foreign Intelligence &amp; Surveillance Act (FISA) is for spying on Americans.
 * The claim that bigger government will benefit its' citizens.
 * The claim that military recruits are poor and uneducated.
 * The claim that government run healthcare is better than a capitalist healthcare system.
 * They claim that going on the offense against terrorists creates more terrorists.
 * They claim that terrorism should be handled by law enforcement.
 * They claim that the USA should negotiate with rogue nations and terror groups.
 * They claim that socialism is a better than capitalism.
 * They claim that there is a gene which causes people to be gay, despite the fact that the scientific community rejects this view
 * They claim that humans and apes have a common ancestor
 * They claim that the death penalty does not deter crime, despite the overwhelming evidence showing that the death penalty does deter crime
 * They claim that atheists are just as moral as Christians who regularly go to a church, or, in some cases, claim atheists are morally superior.
 * They claim that all religions teach the same thing.
 * They claim that intelligent design is not a science and has no evidence.
 * They claim that no climatologist or physicist rejects global warming, despite the fact that the founder of The Weather Channel rejects global warming, as do thousands of other scientists.
 * They claim affirmative action works.
 * They claim the Old Testament is immoral.
 * They claim that the Jews aren't the Jews of the Bible.
 * They claim that feminism has no bias.
 * They claim homosexuals do not try to convert heterosexuals.
 * They claim that gay marriage will not result in polygamy also being written into law.
 * They claim that the Bible is fictional.
 * They claim that Liberal Christianity is compatible with the teachings of Jesus Christ.
 * They claim that proper tire inflation can replace the need for additional oil drilling.
 * That we should eat less red meat in order to combat climate change.
 * They claim Jesus was a liberal, or that Jesus was left-wing.
 * The claim that the Nation of Islam is unrelated to Islam the religion.
 * The claim that portable school vouchers would destroy public schools, yet send their own children to private schools.

From Barack Obama
"An apparent Muslim, Obama could use the Koran when he is sworn into office." "Obama uses the Muslim Pakistani pronunciation for "Pakistan" rather than the common American one"

"In the years 2000 through 2004, before becoming a United States Senator and being in the public spotlight, Obama gave 1% of his earnings to charity even though he made $250,000 per year. Since becoming a national figure, that amount has jumped to 6%.[70] Obama's small donations are consistent with atheism and were perhaps influenced by his nonbelieving mother. According to a study by the Barna Group, atheists give less per capita in donations than religious Americans"

Thats right Conservapedia claimed that Obama is a Muslim and then several paragraphs later claimed he was an Atheist.... Muslims are expected to give 10% of their income to charity. (Wealthy Liberals vote for parties that will increase their personal tax bill and spend the money helping poor people. That is equivalent to giving money to charity and helps poor people more effectively.)

Cited under reasons 'Obama will likely be the first muslim president': "Obama uses the Muslim Pakistani pronunciation for "Pakistan" rather than the common American one." the footnote refers to the following sentence: "Obama repeatedly pronounced "Pakistan" as "Pokiston" in the first presidential debate."

From Why Do Non-Conservatives Exist?
"Conservative principles are based on reason, so why do non-conservatives still exist?"

From Liberal Style
"The style of a liberal often includes these characteristics:

"7. virtually never criticize hateful comments or behavior by a fellow liberal."

Even if that was true, at least it would explain why left wing governments don't get into war with each other. ThaMarine 08:49, 4 July 2009 (UTC)

"10. call something disliked a "conspiracy theory," but don't use that term against wacky liberal theories like global warming."

Excellent use of the word "wacky" in the middle of a serious article. SuperJosh 19:58, 5 January 2009 (UTC)

From Main Page

 * The KKK, Hollywood and President Wilson
 * Eligibility battle of Obama to serve as President of the United States rages on three fronts.
 * CO2 Fairytales in Global warming "Promoting CO2 as the environmental monkey on our back is absolutely ludicrous. CO2 is friend to all life, not a foe."
 * David Horowitz: Do Liberals Help The Terrorists?

Cause and Effect
Medical professionals emphasize that they do not know what causes mental illness. Accordingly, they cannot rule out that liberal indoctrination is a contributing factor.

Teaching children to accept and believe things that are demonstrably false cannot help mental health. Included in this category are the liberal teachings in school that:


 * Lying about the truth, causing belief in falsehoods or encouraging conduct disorders
 * There are no real differences between boys and girls.
 * Humans are just another type of animal.
 * All there is is what you see (with or without special equipment, such as microscopes or telescopes).
 * Conversely, that an unproven 'unconscious' excuses evil actions.
 * Self-inflicted death (i.e. suicide) can somehow be good.
 * Denying self-defense, mentally and physically.
 * Denying the ability to control sexual desires (such as homosexuality &amp; lesbianism); promoting lifestyles that lead to mental illness.
 * Insisting on an illogical and unjustified "wall of separation of church and state"; When classroom prayer would promote mental stability.
 * Encouraging dependence on state welfare services rather than taking responsibility for ones own actions. Dependency is a major cause of depression.
 * Socialistic theories based upon materialism encourage nihilism and depression.

Drug abuse
Liberals support the legalisation of marijuana and other drugs, which are major causes of psychiatric illnesses.

Anecdotal Evidence
Actor Stephen Fry is the author of the book "The Liar" and was an active supporter of the liberal British Labour Party, though he did not vote for it in a recent election because it was not leftist enough on the Iraq War. "The 49-year-old actor has been tormented by mental illness for much of his life." Specifically he is a sufferer of bipolar disorder, a largely hereditary disease.

Professor David Foster Wallace was a prodigy in writing, math and even tennis in his youth but adopted the liberal ideology. He wrote in 1999 a collection of short stories entitled, "Brief Interviews With Hideous Men," in which he "damns his gender as a greedy, cold, oversexed marauders." In 2008, Wallace killed himself at age 46.

From Feminist style
A feminist typically has one or more of the following characteristics:


 * insistence on censorship of opposing speakers, writers, or presentations,
 * often done on the even of an event without consideration of the disruption[Citation Needed]


 * expression of extreme offense at modest expressions of disagreement[Citation Needed]
 * seething hatred for anti-feminist personalities, such as Ann Coulter[Citation Needed]
 * lack of a sense of humor[Citation Needed]
 * contempt for women who serve in traditional family roles, such as housewives[Citation Needed]
 * lack of recognition of achievements, such as inventions, made possible by traditional family structures[Citation Needed]
 * belief that single mothers are capable of raising well-adjusted children without the influence of a stable father figure.[Citation Needed]
 * insistence that the lifestyle, attitudes and customs of women should mirror exactly those of men.[Citation Needed]
 * Regarding all men as potential rapists
 * rarely or never defers to the majority, or concedes defeat
 * Refusal by women to assume their proper, ordained, submissive role in the nuclear family.

From "Comedy Central"
"Comedy Central is a left-slanting cable and satellite television channel which draws a large portion of its viewership from adolescents, such as the average public school student (who watches more than three hours of television daily)."

''I'm sorry but... what? Where the HELL do they get some figure that the "average public school student" watches more than three hours of television daily? This is obviously fabricated as there is NO citation for this so-called "statistic." These people are literally morons.''

Parodists
They record some fine parodies so we can laugh at them.

Cruel and unusual punishment?
''Minors under 16 years old use this site. Posting of obscenity here is punishable by up to 10 years in jail under 18 USC § 1470. Vandalism is punishable up to 10 years in jail per 18 USC § 1030. Harassment is punishable by 2 years in jail per 47 USC § 223. The IP addresses of vandals will be reported to authorities. That includes your employer and your local prosecutor.''

from (Conservapedia Commandments)

''HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!! They blocked me 4 times! No police knocking on my door yet.ThaMarine''

From | Do Liberal Teachings Cause Mental Illness? Talk Page
I discovered this page by random and although I don't really consider myself to be a liberal, this page is a joke. A bad one. It consists of a silly use of a technique that many folks, conservatives and liberals to name a few, use a lot. This is is to make a (frequently bogus) list of what someone else believes in and then rip it apart, tossing in liberal (or conservative?) doses of ridicule and sarcasm. Why not find a list of what liberal say they believe in and then rip that apart? I am ignoring a little voice saying "Don't get into this" but to not do so would seem like a form of lying to me. Carptrash 18:05, 23 August 2008 (EDT)

Did you happen to notice that the word count on your edit above is "666"? Ridicule will get you ... nowhere. Godspeed.--Aschlafly 18:33, 23 August 2008 (EDT)

No, his post has 119 words. Kallium 09:44, 15 September 2008 (EDT)

''This talk page is excellent. Chock full of conservative logic busters and use of the Schlafly Reversal.''

Dinosaurs
They believe that dinosaurs lived in harmony with other animals, (probably including in the Garden of Eden) eating only plants[6]; that pairs of each dinosaur kind were taken onto Noah's Ark during the Great Flood and were preserved from drowning[7]; that many of the fossilized dinosaur bones originated during the mass killing of the Flood[8]; and that possibly some descendants of those dinosaurs taken aboard the Ark are still around today

Conservapedia: Dinosaurs all originally ate plants.

From Origin of the Moon
Accessed on May 6th, 2009.

All the prevailing, atheistic theories of the origin of the Moon were completely disproved by the lunar landings and studies of the lunar rocks afterwards. The material lacked iron that permeates the Earth's crust.

Specifically, each of these prevailing scientific theories was disproved by the lunar landings:

Source linked says "The Earth has a large iron core, but the moon does not. This is because Earth's iron had already drained into the core by the time the giant impact happened. Therefore, the debris blown out of both Earth and the impactor came from their iron-depleted, rocky mantles. The iron core of the impactor melted on impact and merged with the iron core of Earth, according to computer models."

Regarding Super Mario Galaxy
"Minor controversy erupted due to the game's portrayal of religious people as mindless enemies (goombas). Though it has been criticized, there is no evidence this has slowed down sales of the game.

Retrieved from "http://www.conservapedia.com/Super_Mario_Galaxy"

What the fuck? I played the entire game, except a few Luigi stages, and Goombas were never depicted as religious. Where the hell did it get this information?

From conservapedia commandments
5. We do not allow gossip, just as a real encyclopedia avoids it.

This sounds like an admission that conservapedia is only pretending to be a real encyclopedia. But you already knew that, right?

Regarding Edison
This article, though consistent with common assumptions regarding Thomas Edison, is horribly inaccurate.

"Some of his best known inventions are the light bulb, the mimeograph and phonograph.

No, Edison invented nothing, he stole his ideas from real scientists, like Nicholae Tesla (inventor of the lightbulb,) Albert Blake Dick (invented the mimeograph) and Édouard-Léon Scott de Martinville (creator of the phonograph.)

"In 1913 he demonstrated the synchronization of moving pictures and sound, laying the foundation for the talking motion picture.

It, already, had a foundation: The talking pictures shown, earlier in the 1900s, in France.

"By the end of the 1880s, small central stations dotted many U.S. cities; each was limited to a few blocks area because of transmission inefficiencies of direct current (DC). Edison fought a mighty battle with George Westinghouse, who developed a competing system based on alternating current (AC).

Edison stole the idea of Direct Current from Nicholae Tesla, turned it into the inferior form Alternating Current and created an eletric chair, somehow, using the closest equivalent he had to an invention to discredit one of the most brilliant minds in recent history.

(http://www.conservapedia.com/Edison)

From World History Lecture One
This is the last sentence of the second paragraph.

"We will make use of the Bible, which is greatest history book ever written."

The Bible is the Greatest History Book ever written? Well then, where's an in-depth description of World War II? Where are the Crusades? Where are the Olmecs, the Mayans, the Incas, the Aztecs? Where are Native Americans in General, and all the strife they went through? Not in the Bible, that's for sure. Greatest History Book ever? No. Greatest Pseudohistory Book ever? Perhaps. Greatest Collection of Lies, Exaggerations, But Mostly Lies, ever? You bet!

http://www.conservapedia.com/World_History_Lecture_One

From World History Lecture 12
"As a practical matter, this meant that President Roosevelt could now help England. President Roosevelt ordered the U.S. Navy to begin escorting British ships that carried American arms, and Hitler predictably responded by commanding his U-boats (submarines) to sink cargo ships. When a U-boat shot torpedoes at a U.S. destroyer in the Atlantic in September 1941, President Roosevelt ordered the U.S. ships to fire back. An unofficial war had begun between the United States and Germany."

http://www.conservapedia.com/World_History_Lecture_Twelve#The_Enigma

U-boats had been sinking cargo ships since 1939. Also, the USS Ruben James was sunk October 31, 1941 while the USS Kearny was attacked by a U-boat a few weeks earlier. Roosevelt did not order ships to fire back afterwards.

From World History Lecture 14
From the outer space section:

"Americans continued to explore planets with the Hubble Telescope (to explore distant space in 1990) and the Pathfinder space probe (landing on Mars in 1997). For most of the 20th century scientists (and popular movies) claimed that life must exist in outer space. Claims of life existing in outer space may have anti-Christian motivations and effects, as they tend to contradict the Christian view of the creation of life and the redemption by Jesus Christ. No extraterrestrial life has ever been found, despite all the exploration costing billions of dollars."

http://www.conservapedia.com/World_History_Lecture_Fourteen

What about Allan Hills 84001, which was from Mars and had fossilized bacteria? There may even be some kind of life on Europa.