Atheist

One whom does not believe in a God, or "drink the Kool-Ade". conservatives greatly depend on the power of organized religion to manipulate the masses, and thus fear Atheism only slightly less than they fear renewable energy. Strong Atheists are extremists, unlike weak atheists and agnostics, because they believe in something that is unprovable (there is no god) just like religious people who believe in something unprovable. Atheists decide for themselves what is decent and moral. They don't struggle with the sillier and worst parts of Christian morality.

All children are born as atheists because nobody has shoved the Bible down their throats. Yet.

Their Awesome Power
Aside from the ability to travel through time and the ability to eat ham; atheists have the innate ability to suck the life force out of republicans; atheists can later use this sucked life force to create petitions for government secularism, crippling the republicans even more. The Atheist also has the amazing ability to have sex and win every argument they ever enter into (especially with the Christian sheep).

Nightmares
Atheists dream big, but never have nightmares. Not even of bananas. In fact, they never feel fear. Atheists have essentially transcended their own material constraints and live in harmony with the universe, finding meaning through the power of thought. They are beings of pure energy, part of the Q continuum. The cheesy effects in Star Trek were not computer-generated images of fictional beings of light, but rather atheists who were simply asked to "act natural" without costumes or makeup.

Important note: The best way to spot a false atheist (these are usually religious spies) is to say "I just thank God I'm an atheist" and see if they agree...