Old Testament

Note! this article is part parody and satire.

The Old Testament is the first half of the Christian bestseller The Bible. The Old Testament focuses on the time period before Jesus' birth while the New Testament focuses on Jesus' life and death (and then life again!) The Old Testament is set six thousand years ago back when mankind lived in harmony with talking animals and  dinosaurs.

It starts off with God creating everything, including Adam and Eve, the first man and woman. Everything was alright for the first 930 years, and then a little snake came along and told Eve (Oh yeah, it's a talking snake. Did I not mention...?} to eat an apple from a tree. Eve's act single-handedly brought the downfall of womankind!

I bet you're wondering why God would bother putting a tree of evil in his Garden, or how Satan as a snake got into it. Well, we thought of that:


 * God realised he'd made an evil tree by accident, but it was Sunday when he realised and because that was the day of rest and Top Gear was on at 8, he just told Adam and Eve not to eat from it.


 * The snake was a Japanese ninja-snake, like that one in Kung Fu Panda. What, you don't believe me? Why do you think the USA bombed Hiroshima and Nagasaki at the end of World War Two?