Homophobia

Homophobia is the irrational fear of homosexuality that leads conservatives to deny homosexuals the basic rights guaranteed them by the Constitution of the United States: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." There is a strong suspicion that the most virulent homophobia is expressed by those who cannot accept their own homosexuality. Some homophovbic men get very excited about the right of every American to carry a gun in compensation for their own lack of masculinity (see "gun as phallic symbol").

Homophobic conservatives believe in a conspiracy theory they dub "the gay agenda". They apparently think that gays and liberals are plotting to use the public school system and Hollywood movies to turn every child in the United States into homosexuals. Those whacky conservatives. What'll they think of next! Conservative Christians claim that God condemns homosexuality, but Jesus actually never brought the subject up, as it was apparently not very high on his list of important things to do or not do.