Adolf Hitler



Adolf Hitler (20 April 1889 – 30 April 1945) was a failed artist and right-wing fascist who came close to destroying his own country when Nazi Germany lost World War II.

Pre-emptive strike
Hitler used the preemptive strike doctrine to invade Poland, Denmark, Norway, Belgium, Greece, Russia, and France. He was an extreme social conservative, as well as a textbook terrorist, thus proving that not all terrorists are Muslims. He killed twelve million people, including six million Jews and six million who were either homosexuals, gypsies or Communists. Benito Mussolini helped Hitler during World War II.

Today, there are a number of neoconservatives - some more extreme than others - who share Hitler's values. They are just fine with a preemptive strike against Iceland, Texas, Iraq, and Iran. Some are just as socially conservative, and they wouldn't blink to kill liberals, most of whom are Jewish, homosexual, or Roman Catholic. The modern Republican party in the United States is has many of these people in there amongst their members.

The argument usually maintains that although Hitler and Stalin had a pact of non-aggression, Stalin intended to invade Germany (through Poland), or at least Hitler believed this to be true. Quite possibly it is true, the Soviets (pre-emptively) invaded Finland one month after Germany invaded Poland, which indicates an intent of some kind of fuckery. Of course Germany invading Poland wasn't the first act of aggression on Hitler's part, he previously pre-emptively struck Lithuania and Czechoslovakia as well as annexing Austria be simply shaking his fists, cancelling all referendums and then announcing election results that said 99.7% of the population were in favor of giving up their sovereignty to the Germans.

That doesn't explain his pre-emptive strikes against Denmark, Belgium, The Netherlands, France and attempts to invade Great Britain all in the other direction of the Soviet Union. Big Hitler fan, anti-Semite pretending to be an anti-Zionist and right wing douche-bag, Pat Buchanan often defends poor misunderstood Hitler against the scurrilous charges that he wanted war, but when forced into a corner about his revisionist views, he throws the liberal media a bone and says something like "Hitler was a monster", but that's about as sincere as when Henry Ford, (another big Hitler fan and long time financier) apologized to the Jews for publishing The Protocols of the Elders of Zion and The International Jew: The World's Foremost Problem. Ford said it was all a big misunderstanding and that he wasn't a bigot...

Hitler the Artist
Hitler always considered himself a great artist. It should not come as a surprise that he hated modernism or any avante-garde movements, instead he focused on philistine cliche subjects and styles and while some of it, especially landscape watercolors, is very nice, most is the sort of stuff you would expect to see in a high school art class. I have a hard time believing that Hitler was an artist of any talent. Not because of any personal biases I have, but because I have seen some artwork that is attributed to him that is simply awful and other's that he is said to have done that shows great sensitivity. I can't believe he made both awful, amateur stuff and semi decent work at the same time.

Here in the landscape on the left there is similarity to Thomas Kincaid, art critics at the time reviewed his work as "unsatisfactory". I have a feeling a lot of the decent stuff was produced later at his instructions. The landscapes also bear a striking resemblence to philistine Christian artist and QVC success, Thomas Kincaid's work.

Inspiration for Tin Tin? Two watercolors I have found bear striking resemblence to Belgian artist and Nazi sympathizer and collaborator, Herge's Tin Tin character. One is a self portrait of Hitler as a young man where he looks almost identical to Tin Tin, the other is a very Herge like German postman. Herge, who grew up in Brussells during World War I, would often doodle German soldiers who occupied the city.

Sexual interests
Unconfirmed reports suggest that Hitler may have been deviant in his sexual tastes. According to interviews with Otto Strasser, Hitler made his niece, Angela Raubal (whom he called Geli), "squat over his face ... [and] demanded that she urinate on him, and this gave him sexual pleasure"

It is also rumored that, when not busy planning new ways to kill even more Jews, he was busy getting shat on.

Anti-Gay activist Scott Lively, architect for the "Kill the Gays" bill in Uganda, wrote a book called The Pink Swastika which claims that many leaders in the German Nazi regime, including Adolf Hitler himself, were "homosexual", which contributed to the extreme militarism of Nazi Germany. He claims that reports of homosexuals in concentration camps and anti-gay laws in Nazi Germany are a 'gay' myth. The book is considered holocaust revionism and psuedo or cryptohistory among serious historians (and anyone with half a brain). 

Religious interests
Hitler was a member of the Roman Catholic Church throughout his life and was never excommunicated. He may have not been the best Catholic, but he always stayed in good standing with the Catholic church by making abortion an illegal crime (punishable by death). Hitler used his crazy version of Christianity to try and justify Anti-semitism.  

Reductio ad Hitlerum
Reducing any argument to a comparison to Hitler (or Nazis) is an obvious logical fallacy, which Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and the Tea Party supporters ("Teabaggers") never seem to get tired of using.

The irony of comparing Adolf Hitler, an extreme right wing politician who criminalized homosexuality, made abortion illegal, wasn't afraid to use the death penalty (to say the least), believed in "pre emptive strikes", idealized traditional family values and made laws telling people whom they could marry, to Barack Obama, a moderate left wing politician based on the fact that the Nazi's had national "healthcare" (if you were white, blond, blue eyed and had no Jewish ancestors)...I think I just proved Godwin's Law...

In full disclosure, the left has also characterized extreme right wing politician GW Bush as (extreme right wing) Hitler, as well... However, despite constant conservative historical revisionism, the left did it much, much less and no mainstream liberal media figure did it at all whereas Glenn Beck does it damn near every night. Claims that liberals made just as many Bush=Hitler comparisons are just plain not true.

A Hero?
Hitler is particularly famous for his heroism; that is to say, he shot himself while simultaneously biting into a cyanide capsule as a means of attaining "martyrdom", even though he proclaimed unto the German people that "Should I fail my holy mission, you must 'crucify me'!" soon after becoming Führer. What good does a heroin through drugs do if you blow your own brains out before you can even poison yourself? Seriously. Think about it.

Oh, and in his will, he blamed the Jews (go figure) for starting the war, and his own top generals for losing it. Again, go figure.

Satire
Whether you liked him or not, you have to admit: any form of media portraying or making direct reference to Hitler is almost always funny, satirically speaking. The play and later film "The Producers" is an especially fine example. Video snippets of the hilarious hand gestures and cracked-up facial expressions that accompanied his many speeches have given birth to a variety of parodies over the internet, including a clip of Hitler taking a bite out of a watermelon, because Nazis just can't get enough watermelons. Hitler was the undisputed biggest asshole of the 20th Century century, inspiring idiots at teabagger rallies to draw his moustache onto pictures with a sharpie.

Trivia

 * Hitler was voted Time Magazines man of the year in 1938.
 * Adolph Hitler kept a framed photograph of Henry Ford on his desk.


 * Hitler had used Fords antiSemitic views in 'Mein Kampf' (Ford claimed WWI was the ejecta of subterranean Jewish saboteurs).


 * Hitler was heavy into meth. He would shoot it, (or get his doctor to) four times a day!


 * The NY phone book had 22 Hitlers before WWII. The NY phone book had 0 Hitlers after WWII.


 * Dr. Josef Mengele escaped to Paraguay after the war and perfected the science of cloning. He made several clones of Adolf Hitler, one living in Buck's County, Pennsylvania. Unfortunately for Mengele, young Hitler fed him to his dogs when Laurence Olivier told him Menegele killed his adoptive father. (SPOILER ALERT: okay, that was the plot of the 1978 film, The Boys From Brazil...which sounds a lot like gay porn and anyway, shouldn't that be called The Boys From Paraguay?)N5om8p.jpg