Republican

Republicans are sometimes racist, they don't do enough to help poor blacks or poor whites, Republicans are also usually sexist because the Religious Right is influential among Republicans, unfortunately Evangelical Christians try to keep women in the home and submissive to their husbands. Republicans are partly made up of very rich people and evangelical Christians. Republicans include Rednecks who don't understand the party they vote for harms them.

Earlier Republicans
Republicans weren't always bad (as a matter of fact, Abraham Lincoln who was the father of the Republican party would be considered highly Democratic nowadays. Back then, Republicans were Liberal and the Democrats were conservatives). How things have changed.

Rich Republicans
The rich, greedy Republicans (like big buisiness owners) often are ruthless towards people of lower status in Capitalism. A large part of the time, they want to cut taxes for the rich, because they apparently can't *afford* to pay. Instead, they let the very poor go hungry and let illnesses kill or disable their victims (because according to them, health care is "socialism"). Instead of actually helping the poor or even donating a FRACTION of their money, the Republicans say "the poor should rise themselves up". Yeah, because that's an easy thing to do in this economy...

Religous Republicans
Next, we have the over-religious Southerner type of Republicans, the ones who almost regularly oppose many sensible scientific theories because they think the Devil put it all on Earth to refute the "truth". Evolution is one of the biggest scientific theories they oppose. Some Republicans even also oppose Einstein's Theory of relativity because they imagine relativity means the same as moral relativism (according to Conservapedia). These Conservatives mostly live in the Bible Belt, otherwise known as the deep south.

Strange Republican ethics
Republicans tend to have the most incomprehensible opinions and strange morals. According to them, abortion is wrong but the death penalty is right. Stem-cell research is wrong even though it can help sick people. Letting the rich consume the Earth's natural resources, meanwhile destroying the environment, is right. The worst of them consider hating Jews, Blacks, South Americans, Central Americans, Mexicans, Arabs, Asians, Native Americans, right. Republicans consider building polluting oil wells, trying to shut down some scientific progress, starting insane rumors about Democrats, suppressing women's rights, telling a rape victim or a pregnant teen she can't have an abortion, letting people roam in the streets ARMED with deadly assault rifles (lack of gun control), or not caring about the hungry, poor people... being moral.

History
However, during the mid to late 1800s, the term "Republican" was associated with Liberals, such as Abraham Lincoln. Also, the Democrats were conservative. This continued until about the early 1900s, when the Liberals and the Conservatives switched parties. (There still are a few Moderate Republicans around if you look for them.)

To be a Republican
To be a Republican, you must first revere, Ronald Reagan almost as if he were a god, and second you must think the world revolves around America. If you refuse to do these things, then you are a automatically a terrorist, according to conservatives.

What they Believe

 * The white male Christian God should be the only object of worship on the planet, except for things that Republicans worship.
 * Power and wealth should remain in the hands of 1% of the world's population while the remaining 99% get by on far less.
 * Health care should be privatized so the poor can't afford basic medication. Universal Health Care is a creation of the devil.
 * A rape victim living on welfare should be forced to care for a baby she didn't even ask for. Republican_whack.gif
 * The United States is the only real country on Earth and all those other countries they read about are just fakes invented by communists or terrorists.
 * That Ronald Reagan was the greatest U.S. president of all time.
 * That Bill Clinton was the worst U.S. president of all time, simply because he had sexual relations with that slut.
 * Government should not give handouts to anyone. Exceptions are oil, natural gas, and coal companies, the military, and Wall Street bankers.
 * That the status quo is perfect and ideal.
 * That ex-president Dubya actually knew what he was doing.
 * That Global Warming is a myth, even though almost all scientists agree it is a real and serious problem.
 * That Evolution is a myth. (Conservatives obviously never evolved.)
 * That Barack Obama is an evil communist, terrorist and secret Muslim who wants to destroy our freedom. (Obama's an atheist as well as a Muslim according to Conservapedia. We've no idea how they work that one out, he's actually Christian, by the way).
 * The Earth was created 5,700 years ago despite overwhelming evidence on the contrary.
 * Tax cuts for the rich.  It's not like they have enough money already.

Patriotism?
Our scientists have failed to find out why Republicans claim that their patriotism is unquestionable and why everyone who has a different opinion on that is Un-American, but they assumed it's got something to do their low IQ. It's not a problem for them when they have to go send other people to war for their country but however, they aren't enthusiastic about paying taxes for it.

Republican tactics during an economic crisis
We imagine the following was taken from Republican book What to do When One of us Screws up (Again). The book was published for ardent Republicans and conservatives pundits only, but they were stupid enough to give it to Stephen Colbert thinking he was actually a conservative.

During the Bush presidency
''Do not start a conversation regarding the presidency or the administration, but however, if someone asks you about it, approve silently. (...) If you're alone with only one person and if he/she starts calling the administration corrupt, brand him/her an Un-American. (...) try not to mention the Bush administration and try to change the subject in a conversation regarding it.''

What to do regarding the elected Democratic president (Currently Obama)
''Brand the president as a socialist and try anything (regardless of how desperate it is) to make him/her look bad. (...) Try to defend the Republican presidency by blaming the economic crisis on congress and the new president. Fight all efforts to fix the economy so the Democrats don't get to take the credit.''

Things Republicans Hate With a Passion

 * Jews
 * Blacks
 * Homosexuals
 * Asians
 * Hispanics
 * Abortion
 * Divorce
 * Contraception
 * Native Americans
 * Liberals
 * Peace
 * RINOs
 * Rhinos
 * Judaism
 * Islam
 * Hinduism
 * Buddhism
 * Communism
 * Socialism
 * Anarchism
 * Communism
 * Socialism
 * Atheists (or anything remotely associated with Atheism, such as the theory of Evolution)
 * Agnostics
 * Deists
 * Russia
 * China
 * Cuba
 * Vietnam
 * Laos
 * North Korea
 * Immigration by non-Anglo-Saxon individuals
 * Bill Clinton (who Ann Coulter claims must be gay because he has sex with lots of women. Make note of how this claim both contradicts the word 'gay' as used in this context, and what it reveals to us about Ann Coulter herself.)
 * Hilary Clinton (every Republican's ultimate arch-nemesis)
 * Barack Obama
 * Universal Health Care
 * The middle and lower classes
 * The left wing
 * Moderates
 * The environment
 * Taxes especially if rich people have to pay them
 * Taxes if the tax money is to be used for other purposes apart from funding an exciting war
 * Changing the status quo
 * Their employees (or, if they are among the countless low-to-middle-class sheep that are herded by neo-conservatism, a hatred for their own otherwise guaranteed worker's; rights, which are somehow supposed to be unconstitutional.)
 * Diplomacy
 * Al Gore
 * Democracy (especially if that means Al Gore getting elected instead of Dubya)
 * Freedom (for minorities or people of other nations)
 * Equality ("because the WHITE race is Obviously Superior)
 * Human rights
 * Harry Potter
 * Twilight
 * The Da vinci Code
 * The golden compass
 * Social work
 * Community organizing
 * Evolution
 * Feminism
 * Catholics (with some exceptions, i.e. Mel Gibson)
 * Common Sense
 * Harry S Truman
 * Jimmy Carter
 * Anyone opposed to the Iraq War
 * Jon Stewart (because they refuse to admit that he's completely right about them)
 * Liberapedia, because they simply can't handle the truth that Liberapedia states
 * Irish-Americans
 * The French, because they aren't stingy about pointing out the obvious flaws of conservatism, and of the wreck Republicans have always been making of America and other countries, past and present
 * Richard Dawkins
 * Love
 * Truth
 * Anyone who disagrees with them
 * Anyone who likes this topic
 * Anyone who hates republicans
 * Facts
 * Logic
 * Logic