Conservative Dictionary

Understanding Conservative thought can be difficult. Not only is Conservative thought sometimes lacking Logic and irrational, it uses it some words and terms in unusual ways. To help you understand Conservatives better, we're trying to build a basic Conservative Dictionary. We realize that there are several regional dialects of Conservative, so we've just tried to cover the more generally accepted terms of American Standard Conservative.

A
Allabammuh - God's country.

Aborshun - When godless commie liberal women kill white babies that should be raised up to be decent Christian people.

Annerkist - An extreme type of Liberal who doesn't believe in government or law

AnnieChrist - The enemy of Christianity predicted in Revelations, likely President Obama

A Merakun - See Merakun

Arkunsaw - Mostly God's country.

Ayrab - A godless heathen crazy muslim person of middle eastern descent who wants to kill all the Jews and Christians in the world and take their stuff. They wear towels on their heads and are are always trying to blow shit up.

B
Barack Hussein Obama - Communist Kenyan Muslim atheist black man that was illegally elected President of the United States

Barry Soetoro - See Barack Hussein Obama

Bircher - A member of The John Birch Society. Usually one smart cracker.

Black - A person of African heritage that knows his place

Block Vote - Shhh! Them's code words, son, we don't talk about that in public.

Bush - A heroic white Christian Patriot who became President, and led us to kick the shit out of a bunch of Godless heathen Arabs that didn't like the way we do things.

- Also his son, who was an even more heroic, more white, more Christian,  more Patriotic President for twice as long and led us to kick the shit out of even more Godless heathen Arabs that needed to be shown what happens when you don't like how we do things in America! He worked tirelessly to bring us closer to the Rapture! Only one of the greatest Presidents EVER!

C
C of CC - The new gentlemens club

Church - My local Baptist church, of course, but even some of the American Baptists, Methodists, Lutherans, Episcopalians and Presbyterians, as long as they don't get too uppity

Cunsurvitive - Any God-fearing Christian white man with a lick of sense.

Constitooshun - Only the greatest conservative legal document ever written

- also a big wooden ship that kicked English Ass

Commie - A damned Democrat liberal who wants to take all our freedom and all our stuff and give it to the government

Cuhlurds - Them folks that weren't favored by God to be born white.

D
Demmacrat - A Godless commie liberal trying to destroy the constitution and my church and take my guns and Money

Deelemmuh - Where do I sit at the next barbeque now that my cousins Divorced each other?

Deevors - Another commie liberal plot, giving my wife the idea she can cut me off or throw me out forever just because she caught me with Marlene down by the creek at the 4th of July picnic.

Dumshit - Someone without a lick of sense, like the folks that still vote for Democrats.

Dyke - A type of of Godless commie liberal that's trying to destroy the constitution and my church and take my guns and money that likes Girls

E
Eeleets - Deluded commie liberals who think they're smart enough to actually matter.

Ekonumee - That's what the damned Godless commie Liberal Democrats have all messed up. Should have known we couldn't pay white man's wages to everyone at the same time they're taking all my money to give to shiftless layabouts.

Et-lannuh - A city in Georgia that used to be a model for the entire world, but has been taken over by layabouts, Jew bankers, hippies, criminals, and all other sorts of Godless commie liberals.

F
Faggit - A Type of Godless commie liberal that's trying to destroy the constitution and my church and take my guns and money that likes boys.

Flag - The Stars and Bars, of course!

Floeduh - Florida used to be God's country, until the Jew commie liberals, yankie commie liberals and Cubans invaded. The Cubans may be coloreds, but at least they ain't commie liberals like the rest of them.

Freedom - That's what we God-fearing white American men have and the rest of the world wants. We do what we want and if they don't like it, tough shit

G
Gawd - My Lord Jesus, of Course!

George Wallace - The last decent candidate before the commie liberals ruined the Democrats

Guvmint - What we have to make laws to keep the, Negroes, Mexicans, and White Trash in line and kick the ass of anyone who doesn't like how we do things in America.

H
Handout - What the Commie Liberals take from decent white folk and give to layabouts

Helms - My man Jesse! A good ole boy for sure, our dear fallen leader of the Conservative Cause gone to his Maker.

Hee-row - A God-fearing Christian white man who helps the cause by keeping the commie liberals, Jews, homosexuals, coloreds, criminals and layabouts in their proper place.

Hee-thun - A Godless uncivilized person who didn't have the good fortune to be raised a civilized Christian.

Hippie - A dope-smoking commie liberal who refuses to take a bath or get a haircut

I
Immuhgrayshun -  What the damn commie liberal democrats are always whining about. Don't they know we got things the way we want them? Sure, ship back the women and children that won't or can't work and any criminals and shiftless layabouts too, but don't you be messing with my help. That Joe Arpaio's got the right idea, round em all up, feed them on a dollar a day, and rent them out to the job creators of America. And don't even think about making them legal either, you do that and big government will try to make us pay em white man's wages. "put a damn fence on the border going to Mexico and start shooting." (Joe the Plumber)

Injun - A person of Native American descent. Don't you be saying nothing bad about my grandma.

J
Jap - A heathen from Japan. They used to be pretty bad back when Grandpa was a boy, but we showed em the American way and now they make decent cars and damn fine TV's for watching Nascar.

Jackson - A decent God-fearing white man who was a pretty good president back in the day, other than being a Democrat. Jackson was also a damn fine General who led the good Christian Americans to kick the shit out of the English at New Orleans, and later ran the Godless heathen Native Americans out of God's country.

- Also a damn fine city named after Andy Jackson

- Also a uppity black commie Liberal Preacher who's always trying to turn out the block vote to screw the Republicans

Jeew - Some of them were good folks and became Christians after God sent Jesus to show us the light. The rest of them killed Jesus and have been greedy commie liberal democrats ever since. Also they're sneaky and cheap, and make damn fine lawyers because they're smart as a white man, some of them look like white men, but they're not. Watch out for them Jews, boy!

Jeesus - My Lord and savior. I know he's real, because I call on him every time I hear about the latest commie liberal bullshit on Fox, and he keeps me safe, not one stroke or heart attack!

Jeff Davis - One of our greatest fallen heroic patriot leaders, martyred by liberals.

Joejuh - Georgia used to be God's country, but they've got a damn bad commie liberal problem in Atlanta.

Johnson - Oh My God, Jesus, not old LBJ. Oh my, barely worked in time. Johnson used to be a decent God-fearing Christian white man until he turned traitor against his people.

K
Klu Klux Klan - The good ole boys of the local gentlemen's club.

Ken-tuck-ee - Kentucky isn't all God's country like it ought to be but it's damn close. Yes, they have a Godless commie liberal problem like all the border states do, but they're trying.

Kweer - Something that any God-fearing Christian white man knows that just ain't right. Like homosexuals and what they do to each other, and especially homosexuals who don't have the good sense to move to some city up north in yankee country where the Godless commie liberals are stupid enough to tolerate their queer shit.

L
Layabout - Any number of lazy democrats that think they're too good to get a job, or think they deserve white man's wages, so they lay around the house all day, breed like jackrabbits, and only go out to get their welfare check or buy more malt liquor.

Librul - Jesus!, don't get me started. See, I told you it worked! They're damned Hippies and Jews and all manner of greedy commie democrats that want to take my guns and my money and give it to the government so the government can give it to negroes and white trash and other shiftless layabouts to have more kids and get more money and so on and so forth.

Lih-burr-tee - Liberty's another word for freedom. Liberty's you God-given right as a Christian white man. Don't ever forget, son, we may take liberties but we never take them for granted!

Lincoln -  He's the founder of the Republican Party. Yes I know they say he freed the Slaves, but he only freed the ones in conquered territory, and he should have bought them all and set them free back in Africa like it says in the Constitution, but those damned Jew Yankees were too fucking cheap for that, so he did what he had to do to save America, and if that dumbshit Boothe hadn't killed him he'd have shipped them all back, but we don't talk about that because we're the Party of Lincoln and some of those dumb negroes might still vote Republican if we keep quiet about it.

Loozieannuh - It ain't all God's country like it ought to be, but the parts that aren't are damn close.

M
Market - That's where the wife gets our groceries. Those damn commie Liberals are always talking about wanting Free markets, How the hell are we going to pay for that?

Marshall - That's Billie Earl, he's the fellow that makes sure the negroes are in before dark and keeps the negroes, white trash, and other shiftless layabouts in line.

- Unless you mean Thurgood! More like no good. Jesus! oh, worked again. Whoever had the bright idea of educating negroes should be shot! If educating negroes isn't bad enough, teaching one to be a lawyer is even worse. Appointing a negroe to the Supreme Court is a travesty! Should have known a negroe would have no respect for white man's liberty! That boy set the cause back years. Jesus! Oh, yeah, worked again.

Mason - A Freemason. Part of a godless jew commie libereral conspiracy to destroy my church and take over the world.

- A liberal dumbshit from Virginia who could have signed the Constitution and been a famous patriot founding father, but was a liberal dumbshit and race traitor instead.

Missussippuh - God's country.

Mizzurruh - Parts of Missouri are damn near God's country, but they've never been able to get rid of the damned commie liberals in the north.

Merakun - Any god-fearing Christian white person from the United states that's not a democrat.

Mezkun - A person from Mexico. Also generally any colored person of Native American descent who comes from south of the United States. They're colored, but at least they'll take a job and we don't have to pay them white man's wages.

N
Nathan Bedford Forest - General Forest was a patriot and the hero who started the local gentlemans club

Neegruh - A word we try to use in polite company to refer to people of African descent.

Nigguh - A shiftless, lazy, layabout, or uppity person of African descent.

Nixon - One of the best presidents we ever had until he turned liberal. When he was young, he was a real ball of fire in rooting out commies, but once he started talking to them damn red Chinese, he turned liberal. Should have known a Quaker wouldn't have the stones to go toe to toe with Mao. Took us off the gold standard, and now those yankee Jew bankers are going to own America. Started the EPA, the E-P-fucking-A for God's sake. He turned Afirmative Action against white people, froze our wages and prices like a damned communist, then even started calling himself a Keynesian like some damn commie liberal. When his boys got caught, we said fuck him and we left him out in the cold, serves him right for abandoning his people.

Noe-luns - Only the funnest city in all of God's country. Now it's even better than ever since Bush ran off more of the commie liberal layabouts after that hurricane.

Noeth - Any place north of God's country. Where the Godless commie liberals, Jews, Hippies, and shiftless layabouts we run off live.

- Also Ollie. A god-fearing white Patriot who fought the goddless commie Mexicans and Arabs, and who was martyred by the damn commie liberal Democrats, but came back to be a leader of God's people.

Noeth Kare-uh-line-uh - Still God's country and will stay that way if they can keep the Jew bankers and lawyers and negroes and hippies and Godless commie liberals congregating in the cities from getting to uppity.

O
Obama - What did I tell you about educating negroes, and especially about teaching them to be lawyers? Jesus, It's an abomination! Ah, still working.

Obamanation - Damn democrats gave that bastard liberal negroe preacher Jackson's voting block to Obama and now we have a whole Obamanation. Jesus, this is almost too much! Still working, but hardly worth it anymore.

Obommuhcare - Poor sick people can get to a doctor and get better without paying! We ain't never going to get those layabouts to do a decent days work for what we want to pay them if they're not desperate. That's f***ing Socialism.

Okluh-hommuh - That's where General Jackson ran the heathen Native Americans off to. Fortunately, decent God-fearing Christian white folks took over most of it, and the Native Americans had the good sense to accept the Lord and most of them married decent God-fearing Christian white folks, and Oklahoma is mostly God's country now.

P
Papist - That's them Roman Catholics, son. They listen to some old white man who doesn't like girls and wears a dress. Sometimes they turn Godless or liberal or even Godless liberal too. We had a lot of trouble with those Catholics back in the day, so watch them close.

Partee - That's what decent God-fearing white men do on Saturday afternoon, or after Church on Sunday.

- Also a Reepublickun Partee. That's when decent God-fearing Christian white men get together to keep the Jews, Catholics, hippies, negroes, layabouts and all manner of other Godless commie liberals in line and generally break up the block vote and run them worthless sorts off to the north. In grandpa's day, they didn't have to run them off, but the damn godless commie liberals have things all fucked up now.

- Also a Tee Partee. That's like a Republican Party, except with our good friends at Fox News, and for Tea-Totalers.

- Also a Democratic Partee. But those haven't been any fun for years, since the damn Godless commie liberals took over. You can't even bring your guns or dogs or ropes or most anything fun anymore.

Patriot - That's a good God-fearing Christian white man who loves how we do things in America and is always willing to kick the shit out of those folks who don't.

Paul-uh-ticks - That's deciding how we do things in America. It used to be only done by good God-fearing patriotic Christian white men like it's supposed to be, but the Godless commie liberals snuck in and changed things and now they're all fucked up.

Poppery - That's being a papist.

Puh-loo-shun - That's something else the damn Godless commie liberals are always whining about. If you don't like smoke, don't live downwind from the mill. If you want to be able to drink the water, don't live downstream from the plant. Yes, I know those places are cheaper, but they're cheaper because they're only fit for negroes and layabouts. Jesus son, ah working still, don't you have a lick of sense? The whole world can't live like white men. White men need jobs, and our heroes need the money to be able to help the cause after all. Back in Grandad's day, if folks bought the cheap places on the wrong side of the tracks with the negroes they had the good sense to not complain about the smoke from the trains, and if they did complain the local gentlemens club was there to straighten them out.

Q
Queer - In grandad's days those Queers used to keep quiet, now they're all over the place and they even want to marry each other. Well fuck em!

R
Rand - Rand's not really a conservative, but if anything, he's even better. He's a good God-fearing Patriotic Christian white man who's a hero to his people and wants good God-fearing Christian white men to have even more liberty.

Rapture - The rapture's the second coming of Christ. Well, maybe the third coming if you're a mormon, but no real Christian believes that. As soon as we can get those heathen Arabs and Jews fighting good, we'll get the rapture.

Ree-lijun - That's our faith. Not just any faith or any religion, but good old-time Christian white man's religion like granddad had and his dad before him and so on back to when God brought us here.

Ree-pub-lick - Our government is a Republic. This ain't no damn democracy, it's a republic! It exists to create and continue the american way, and if you don't like it, tough shit.

Ree-pub-lick-un - See Partee.

Ray-gun - The most heroic and patriotic God-fearing Christian President in ever!

Rights - That's your birthright as a God-fearing Christian American white man, son.

- Also a bunch of stuff those Godless commie liberals are always yammering about: Civil rights, Human rights, Animal rights, women's rights, gay and lesbian rights, voting rights, rights, rights, rights, blah, blah, blah, everything but God-fearing Christian white American men's rights, well fuck em.

- Also the right, and we don't call it the right for nothing. The right is right, and the left is just plain wrong.

Romney - He's just darned near a God-fearing Christian white man who tried to be a leader of God's people back in the 60's, but couldn't because he's a Mexican Mormon.

- Also His son Willard, or Mitt, who was much more heroic because he took the pensions of those Godless commie unions and used them to help the cause, and was also near a God-fearing Christian white man who tried to be a leader of God's people but couldn't because he is a Mormon and a two-faced douche.

S
South Kare-uh-line-uh - The traditional heart of God's country and will stay that way if they can keep the Jew bankers and lawyers and negroes and hippies and Godless commie liberals congregating in the cities from getting to uppity.

State's Rights - Those are more code words, son. Hush! We'll talk later in private.

Strom - That's Senator Thurmond, the grand old man of the United States Senate. He was a hero, a Patriot, and an inspiration to God-fearing Christian white men everywhere. Another of our great fallen leaders.

T
Tenn-uh-see - God's country with mountains.

Texas - God's country with oil and Mexicans, except for Austin where the jew bankers and lawyers and negroes and hippies and elites and all sort of other Godless commie Liberals have gotten uppity.

V
Vir-jin-yuh - Still God's country and will stay that way if they can keep the Jew bankers and lawyers and negroes and hippies and Godless commie liberals congregating in the cities from getting to uppity.

Voter Fraud - Hush, son, those are more code words. We don't talk about that.

W
West Vir-jin-yuh - Used to be God's country until the Jew bankers and lawyers and negroes and hippies and Godless commie liberals got too uppity.

Y
Yelluh Dawg - That's what the Republicans used to call us before the Democrats were ruined and back when the Republican were Godless commie liberals. One of the Godless commie liberal Republicans said that every good God-fearing Christian white man in God's country, and their grandads, and great-grandads, and their great-great-grandads would vote for anybody that was a Democrat, even a yellow dog. We may vote for yellow dogs, but those yellow dogs better be Republican these days.

Yoon-yun - That's something the commies started up back before WWI. Those commies tried to turn all the help commie, and get them to rise up and take all our stuff and give it to the government and they managed to do it in Russia. Those Unions used to give us a bunch of trouble until God sent us Ronald Reagan to set us free of those godless commies.

Z
Zombie - That's quite a story, son. It was many years ago when the gentlemen's club was doing it's duty that one of the negroes took exception to the schooling the boys were giving her husband. Now, you may not know this, but some of those negroes brought powers with them when they were shipped to America. Anyway, this negroe laid a curse on some of our ancestors, that they'd never find rest. Every Halloween they rise from their graves and walk the earth for a couple weeks. Well, it's all pretty terrible, and damned inconvenient mostly, but the joke's on that negroe. They may be zombies, but they're God-fearing Christian white men first and they always vote the party line. Now you know, but shh.. we don't talk about that.