Obama Conspiracy

The Obama Conspiracy refers to a series of completely factual events that were not at all hilariously pulled out of anyone's ass. True Patriots have long believed that Barack Obama is some kind of Manchurian candidate, part of a long conspiracy to get a sleeper into the White House in order to destroy America. And they're right.

When the pilgrims first sailed from England in search of religious freedom, a spy for the crown was aboard the Mayflower. Over the centuries, the spy and his descendants continued to live in what eventually became the United States of America, in case the colonies ever betrayed the crown, as they famously did in 1776. This family of spies spent the whole of American history plotting to undermine America from within, starting with the abolition of slavery, the founding of the Republican and Democratic Parties, and eventually culminating in the Civil Rights movement, during which Ann Dunham, descendant of England's thirteenth century King Edward I and sixteenth cousin of the current Queen of England, married an African economist named Barack Obama, Sr. Together they conceived a child, to be named Barack Obama II, who they would claim was born in Hawaii, but who was actually born in Kenya, just to stick it to America.

This spawn of England, Barack Obama, would then spend his entire life preparing, forming an inspiring story to be told in a rousing speech, faking his father's death in order to write a book about it, and generally being a secret operative sent to destroy America out of spite for the revolution, which the government of England figured might happen when this all started in the early 1600s. Anyway, the point is that after centuries of planning, Barack Obama can finally carry out Her Majesty's revenge against the colonies, by destroying America with well-planned centrist public policy, as well as a generally lack of support for The Troops.

True story. Glenn Beck will vouch for it.