Republican

Republicans are the new Nazi party of the U.S.A.

Their name roots from the fact that they like to lick stuff at pubs, on a usual basis; re-pub-licking, later just shortened to republican. They are largely believed to be a dangerous cult that accuse others of "hating America," while they themselves despise the very freedom America is supposed to stand for. However, during the mid to late 1800s, the term "Republican" was associated with Liberals, such as Abraham Lincoln. Also, the Democrats were conservative. This continued until about the early 1900s, when the Liberals and the Conservatives switched parties. (There still are a few moderate Republicans around if you look for them.)

To be a Republican, you must first worship the Republican god, Ronald Reagan, and second you must become an overall hypocrite who thinks the world revolves around America. If you refuse to do these things, then you are a automatically a terrorist, according to conservatives.

What they Believe

 * The white male Christian God should be the only object of worship on the planet, except for things that Republicans worship.
 * Power and wealth should remain in the hands of 1% of the world's population while the remaining 99% starve.
 * Health care should be privatized so the poor can't afford basic medication. Universal Health Care is a creation of the devil.
 * A rape victim living on welfare should be forced to care for a baby she didn't even ask for
 * The United States is the only real country on Earth and all those other countries they read about are just fakes invented by communists or terrorists.
 * That Ronald Reagan was the greatest U.S. president of all time


 * That Bill Clinton was the worst U.S. president of all time, simply because he had sexual relations with that woman


 * That liberals are the cancer that is destroying America, and that only conservatism can save the country, no matter how much the economy worsened under Bush


 * That the status quo is perfect and ideal


 * That ex-president Dubya actually knew what he was doing
 * That all Jewish people are really a race of evil, 7-foot tall, blood-drinking, extraterrestrial reptilian humanoids who control everything and caused every major war that has ever taken place in human history, and are responsible for the current recession the U.S. faces, as well as for taking all your money, which ended up funding the war on oil "under mysterious circumstances", because Dubya obviously isn't Jewish, see. They also think that the Jews are a biproduct of Eve and Satan, and are "inhuman scum who ought to be wiped off the face of the earth", and... just face it, for nearly everything that goes wrong in America they are to blame, they scapegoat the Jews when they aren't scapegoating the liberals. Albert Einstein was Jewish, forget that.


 * That Barack Obama is an evil communist, terrorist and secret Muslim who wants to destroy our freedom. (Obama's atheist as well as a Muslim according to Conservapedia, we've no idea how they work that one out.)

What They Do
They're a bunch of conservative cowards that vote on prejudices. They are the party that simultaneously symbolize communism and totalitarianism while preaching otherwise.

They support spending tax money on lead-zers (lasers made of lead) to zap the poor with. Other thing they support are their country, their leader and their god. We are not entirely sure what a "god" is, but our intelligence reports(which are always right, of course) detect that it is some form of cottage cheese.

Members are expected to prostitute themselves to Ronald Reagan's memory.

Patriotism?
Our scientists have failed to find out why republicans claim that their patriotism is unquestionable and why everyone who has a different opinion on that is un-american, but they assumed it's got something to do their low IQ. It's not a problem for them when they have to go send other people to war for their country but however, they aren't willing to pay Taxes for it.

Republican course of action during an economic crisis
The following was taken from Rush Limbaugh's book What to do When One of us Screws up (Again). The book was published for ardent Republicans and conservatives pundits only, but they were stupid enough to give it to Stephen Colbert thinking he was actually a conservative.

During the presidency
''Do not start a conversation regarding the presidency or the administration, but however, if someone asks you about it, approve silently. (...) If you're alone with only one person and if he/she starts calling the administration corrupt, brand him/her an Un-american. (...) try not to mention the current administration and try to change the subject in a conversation regarding it.''

After the presidency/what to do regarding the elected Democratic president (at the specific moment, Obama)
''Brand the new president as a socialist and try anything (regardless of how desperate it is) to make him/her look bad. (...) Try to defend the Republican presidency by blaming the economic crisis on congress and the new president.''

After the crisis
Don't ever credit the president for fixing the economy, either try to credit the congress GOP or claim that the economy has fixed it self.

Things Republicans Hate With a Passion

 * Jews
 * Blacks
 * Homosexuals
 * Asians
 * Hispanics
 * Abortion
 * Native Americans
 * Muslims
 * Liberals
 * Peace
 * Judaism
 * Islam
 * Hinduism
 * Communism
 * Socialism
 * Atheists (or anything remotely associated with Atheism, such as the theory of Evolution)
 * Agnostics
 * Immigration by non-Anglo-Saxon individuals
 * Bill Clinton (who Ann Coulter claims must be gay because he has sex with lots of women. Make note of how this claim both contradicts the word 'gay' as used in this context, and what it reveals to us about Ann Coulter herself.)
 * Hilary Clinton (every Republican's ultimate arch-nemesis)
 * Barack Obama
 * Universal Health Care
 * The middle and lower classes
 * The left wing
 * Moderates
 * The environment
 * Taxes especially if rich people have to pay them
 * Taxes if the tax money is to be used for other purposes apart from funding an exciting war
 * Changing the status quo
 * Their employees (or, if they are among the countless low-to-middle-class sheep that are herded by neo-conservatism, a hatred for their own otherwise garanteed workers' rights, which are somehow supposed to be unconstitutional.)
 * Diplomacy
 * Al Gore
 * Democracy if that mans Al Gore getting in instead of Dubya
 * Freedom (for minorities or people of other nations)
 * Equality ("because the WHITE race is OBVIOUSLY SUPERIOR!!1onenineelevenone!")
 * Evolution
 * Feminism
 * Catholics (with some exceptions, i.e. Mel Gibson)
 * Common Sense
 * Harry S. Truman
 * Jimmy Carter
 * Anyone opposed to the Iraq War
 * Anyone who disses Ronald Reagan on any level for any reason
 * Jon Stewart (because they refuse to admit that he's completely right about them)
 * Liberapedia, because they simply can't handle the truth that Liberapedia dictates
 * Irish-Americans
 * The French, because they aren't stingy about pointing out the obvious flaws of conservatism, and of the wreck Republicans have always been making of America and other countries, past and present
 * Richard Dawkins
 * Love
 * Anyone who disagrees with them
 * Anyone who likes this topic
 * Anyone who hates republicans