Chris Christie

"Everyone knows Chris Christie loves to be rude and shout at people. Shouting at public school teachers is a 'thing' of his that he enjoys. 99% of the time the people he chews out are women." Chris Christie is a crazy weight challenged Republican guy who also happens to be the governor of New Jersey. In 2009, he became the first Republican to win a New Jersey statewide election in twelve years! (We thought you New Jersey natives were safe.  What happened?). He grew up in the Garden State and idolizes Bruce Springsteen despite the fact that The Boss is a whole lot saner. He's considered a RINO (meaning he's a little smarter than the rest of his party) because of that, also because he worked with Barack Obama following Hurricane Sandy, and because he criticised fellow Republicans for bringing Obama's family into politics.

Economic Policy
Govenor Christie is just one of many infected in the epidemic of crazy politicians believing that if you cut taxes, the Tooth fairy will come and create more jobs. Despite NJ's billions of dollars in deficits, Christie believes that the Garden State's "highest property tax" in the nation and "11% income tax tops" mean no more taxes. This is despite the fact that a lot of the people in New Jersey are rich. Christie obviously doesn't care a damn about education, because he seems concerned that NJ spends the most money per student of any state. People tend to be concerned about their kid's education, and a perfectly sane New Jersian would probably not mind paying a few more dollars to support public education.

Christie doesn't call all this a spending cut. He calls it a, "freeze." He is trying to make people think that this "freeze" is better than cuts, particularly because the Garden State is (usually, the fact he's governor makes us doubt a little) overrun with democrats. Luckily, democrats are smart people.

Public spending
Despite the fact that Christie wants to cut New Jersey spending, he doesn't mind how many dollars the federal government dumps on him. He criticized John Boehner for not being able to get anything done (including giving federal aid to storm victims.  They were helping people, and that's always great; but Chris Christie wouldn't care if the money weren't going to NJ). At least he's not a Tea Party member.

Hurricane Sandy
After the devastation of New Jersey because of Hurricane Sandy, Barack Obama invited Christie to tour the damage with him. They hugged and acted like anything but political enemies, and this helped make Obama look presidential and win.

Mitt Romney wanted in on the "looking presidential" thing, but when he asked Chris Christie, Christie refused to talk about politics when New Jersey was in so much trouble.

The important thing is that though it may say, "Republican of New Jersey," under his name and face on your TV screen, in  reality, Chris Christie gives allegiance to one thing: Chris Christie.

Running for President
There is speculation that he will run for president in 2016. For one thing, he had weight-loss surgery, which many people think is a part of an attempt to tell people that no, President Christie won't have a heart-attack and whichever crazy vice president the Republicans seem to always pick won't become president.

At 2012 Republican National Convention, Christie gave the keynote address where he mentioned presidential nominee Mitt Romney six times and used the word, "I" thirty times, as if he were setting himself up for something. Mitt didn't look to happy with the speech.

Frank Lautenburg Senate Seat
On June 3, 2012, New Jersey senator Frank Lautenburg died. Lautenburg had been a liberal senator who Harry Reid had brought in to cast important votes in the wake of the evil Republican filibuster.

Because of New Jersey's strange election cycle, Christie wass up for re-election against Barbara Buono in November of 2013. He decided to hold a special election for senate just three weeks before his own election. This was great for every democrat who lives outside the State of New Jersey. Inside New Jersey, was bad news. While New Jersey democrats got representation a few weeks earlier, some Democrats who would vote in the Senate election won't vote in the general election, so Christie increased his chances of winning which he did. The election: an August primary and an October general election, will cost New Jersey a grand total of $24 million. And remember, Chris Christie hates spending.

So why did election take place? One word: politics. Chris Christie has been abandoned by the Republican party for being friends with Barack Obama and asking for Hurricane Sandy relief money. He hoped that if he won this race by a big landslide, he could show primary voters that "Yes, I can carry blue states."

So if you live in New Jersey, tell Chris Christie he can't spend your money on his political games and vote for democrats.

Bridgegate
Christie's administration closed several traffic lanes on an important bridge and caused traffic snarl up putting lives in danger. At least one 91-year old lady died possibly because of delays getting her to hospital. It's suspected this happened to get evil revenge on a Democratic mayor who refused to endorse Christie for re-election. Christie blames one of his subordinates but we suspect Christie himself was responsible. Police are investigating. He has denied knowing about the scandal, but his stories don't add up.