Liberal

This article is part parody and satire. Liberals aren't all as awesome as we imagine. Liberals aren't the way Conservapedia imagines them either.

A liberal is somebody with a selfless world view and someone who wants to continue on socially evolving this planet to the future and beyond with love and positive thinking. Liberalsm is the idea of equality: it doesn't matter what race you are- black, white, Asian, Arab, American Indian, Alien, frog, lamp, ect. or the way you dress or look. Liberals are open-minded and respectful of whoever you are (conservatives don't count) and encourage others not to be ashamed for who they are, like gays and poor people. Hippies are based off of a very Liberal idea- open-mindedness and free love. In short, the Liberal half of America is the one that symbolizes optimism and forward thinking. Liberals believe in gun control, enviormental protection, feeding the poor, gay rights, civil rights, anti-animal cruelty, and the supporting of one's basic human nature; meaning the free-lovingness to have sex with many different partners as they would like without the guilt of the right-wing's religious grip. Conservative republicans are the evangelical Christian side of America and love to pass absurd laws like the "manditory" pledge of abstinence, which by the way, doesn't work at all, studies show that teens who pledge for abstinence are 20% more likely to end up having sex anyway (out of curiousidy) and a 42% of getting pregant while still in their teen years. Liberals, on the other hand, let those horny teenagers screw around like bunnies all they want, as long as they have protection.

A person that is not ashamed of being him/herself, Liberal men are by far better in bed and tend to be in better physical, mental, social, psychological, and spiritual health than conservative men. In contrast, conservative men tend to be obese, inhibited, abusive, and they'd rather view porn than please their wives.  Liberals are objective thinkers who are open to all views and skeptical of those who follow specific agendas. Unlike conservatives, liberals have open minds and tend to disagree with each other in open debate about issues in order to find what is best. American Liberals believe in the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. Liberals in other countries want similar freedoms in their countries.

Liberals are often not fooled by propaganda and believe in separation of powers. Liberals are very patriotic and voice their opinion often in protest.

Protesting
During the hard time when Dubya was in power most conservatives imagined liberal that protesting was "unAmerican" but historically, protesting is what made us great, such as the Boston Tea Party, the Vietnam War, the Civil Rights Act, etcetera. Now that the United States has Obama of course Conservatives think protesting is great and they simply can’t see that their Tea party isn’t at all like the original Boston Tea Party. Unlike Conservatives liberals are logical and consistent.

Awesome hope
Liberals are the only hope against the vast right wing conspiracy that Obama defeated.

In short, most liberals embody the very essence of awesome.

People Liberals Hate
Liberals hate the following people:


 * Murderers
 * Rapists
 * Racists
 * Chickenhawks
 * Sociopaths
 * Corporations. They're okay when they are not people.
 * Lord Voldemort
 * Homophobes
 * Sectarians
 * Terrorists
 * Rick Santorum

Facts About Liberals

 * Liberals are mostly awesome.
 * Liberals care about the environment, here's a cool song showing how among liberals it's cool to love the planet Earth Everything's Gone Green - Environment Song. Well unfortunately not everything's gone green as there are far too many uncool Conservatives driving uncool SUVs and the like.
 * Liberals don't like "trustworthy" garbage, they like the TRUTH.
 * Liberals don't care if you're either gay, or Jewish, or black, or atheist, and maybe or anything. You can be anything you want, except for being an ignorant conservative or law-breaker, since they are not true human beings but un-evolved viruses.
 * Liberals think before they vote. The only downfall is that they also party before they vote, which makes vote by mail ballots very cool.
 * Liberals won't believe the right wing propaganda people like the conservatives believe in.
 * Liberals won't threaten you with jail using a law that doesn't even exist so you can't edit their wiki.
 * Liberal comes from a latin root of liber, which means "freedom". Conservative comes from a latin root of converser, meaning "asshole".
 * Liberalism defeated the Divine Right of Kings, hereditary status, and established (forced) religion. Which is the reason we don't live in Middle Ages anymore (unless you're a conservative).
 * Liberalism stands for freedom of speech, social progressivism, and the fact that every human being is equal to his neighbor. Again, unless you're a Republican bastard.
 * Liberals organized society according a bill of unchangeable and universal rights, which dominates all citizens by the same law.
 * Liberals definitely aren't conservatives. American liberals are typically not as liberal as the rest of the world, but...
 * Unlike conservatives, liberals have sense of humour.
 * It's been argued that the lack of zest in American liberals can be blamed on Republicans, who in turn can be summed up as the life-sucking assholes of the world (see above).
 * There are more self-identified Liberals in America than conservatives. Conservatives who voted for George W Bush realized their mistake and voted for Obama in large numbers.
 * Liberals can go to a restaurant and order anything off of the menu, instead of only being able to get the same thing that they ordered the last time (unless they are vegetarians, which some liberals are).
 * Liberals are fully aware that The FOX "News" Network is just evil Right Wing Propaganda.
 * Liberals don't rely on religious mythology to make decisions. Well some Liberal Christians do.
 * Unlike Conservatives, Liberals not only know how to spell Liberal, they also know the definition.
 * Liberals and Libertarians can sometimes be seen working towards a common goal. Despite the similar names and social goals, libertarians are more like classic conservatives and are thus stingy jerks.
 * Libertarians share liberals love for social freedoms, but unfortunately do not share their love of others.
 * But hey, libertarians have little love for Haliburton, unlike neo-conservatives. (Then again, liberals have no love for Haliburton.)

The only known bad thing that is a Liberal is The Australian Liberal Party.

Liberal Types
As with any large grouping or community, there are different types of liberals who use different methods to try and spread the good that is liberalism. Don't forget there are plenty of sensible liberal who wear ordinary clothes, less conventional than what conservatives wear and want sensible things than make people happy and healthy like Universal Health Care Civil Rights and Freedom.

Beatnik
A beatnik was a subculture of liberals most popular in the 1950s and 1960s. A typical beatnik tends to wear a striped black and white t-shirt, trousers, weird French hats, sandals and little glasses. They have also been known to form drum circles in green areas and read poetry.

Hippy
 Hippies were a more popular culture of nonconformity in the 1960s. A typical hippy wears dirty ripped jeans, a poncho, has long hair, use drugs such as marijuana, and carries an acoustic guitar with them in case they need to sing a song against the reactionaries and Conservatives. Hippies are the main peace-loving grouping of the liberal culture. Hippies were useful in giving a middle finger to the old tradition of needing to be a right wing nutter to be a Christian, as many hippies believed in God and the idea of him loving everyone, regardless of race, gender and sexual orientation.

Suit Liberal
A suit Liberal is a liberal who wears a suit. These kind of liberals are the ones who tend to enter politics.

Punk
A punk is by far the most controversial breed of liberal, most popular in the late 1970s. Easily distinguishable by their typical attire of ripped jeans, leather studded jacks, colourful spiked hair and metal in various bodily parts, they are often associated with thuggish violence, but tend to hold liberal beliefs nonetheless. The weird clothes they wear are seen as a sign of nonconformity to the ordinary clothes regular people wear.

Punks are also available in conservative format, and, more controversially, in neo-Nazi style. See Nazi Punks.

Musical Liberal
A general term used for someone who can play any array of rock-style instruments and also hold liberal beliefs.

Famous Liberals

 * Noam Chomsky may qualify as a "liberal" (or "libertarian" or "anarchist" if you are talking to them), although quite critical of the US Democratic Party, especially Barack Obama's "plans" for peace and "fixing" the economy.
 * Jon Stewart
 * Barack Obama
 * Any morally just person
 * Bill Clinton
 * FDR
 * JFK
 * Any smart person
 * Jimmy Carter
 * Hilary Clinton
 * Seth MacFarlane
 * LBJ
 * Al Gore
 * Jesus
 * Kurt Cobain
 * Roy Zimmerman