Ten Commandments

The Ten Commandments was a bullet-point summary of one of God's early speeches (back when he had better speechwriters) carved into solid rock via cartoon laser beam in 1956 for only Charlton Heston to witness. It was a monumental code of basic law and morality for all people to follow, and served this purpose for all of five minutes before Chuck shattered them on a big statue. Oops.

God used a primitive version of Microsoft PowerPoint to compile the list, as he knew Chuck was a visual learner with a short attention span. In addition to taking a granite-template background and serif-script Hebrew font, he used a flashy horizontal fire-wipe ingress for each line. This was not then standard in MS software, but God was a skilled programmer and graphic designer, so he had it up an running in no time, thoroughly impressing Elohim at the last staff meeting.

The Ten Commandments are the inspiration for every legal and moral system ever to exist for mankind, since before the imperialism and globalization of Christianized Western culture in the late-19th to mid-20th centuries, people kinda just dicked around and stuff. In fact, they inspired people who didn't even know about them, like U.S. Representative Lynn Westmoreland (R-GA), who didn't even really get the gist of the Commandments yet still knew that they were important enough to be put on all government buildings. 

Since liberals and liberal editors of liberal wikis are all uneducated amoral atheists, it may be surprising to note that this editor, who was raised in an all-atheist home and never read the Bible, is able to list all 10 commandments from memory. Go ahead - check the edit history - this is all fresh and candid:


 * 1) I am your one true God who led you out of Egypt to the promised land. Love your God above all things, and have no other gods before me.
 * 2) Do not carve graven images for worship, or practice idolatry.
 * 3) Remember the sabbath day and keep it holy.
 * 4) Honor your father and mother (or mothers, depending on if you're reading this in Exodus or Deuteronomy).
 * 5) Do not take God's name in vain.
 * 6) Do not bear false witness.
 * 7) Do not kill.
 * 8) Do not steal.
 * 9) Do not covet your neighbor's possessions or wife (especially if you're a woman, because that would open up a whole 'nother can of worms of damnation).
 * 10) Do not commit adultery (basically like coveting taken to the level of action, which kinda makes this commandment self-defeating in light of the previous one - oh well).

That was actually tough to recite all ten, because in some versions you can add a commandment that sounds like this: That's actually a really good, moral thing to teach to anybody, but unfortunately it only really gets pushed in some Protestant versions of the Bible. Also, some versions split the first commandment above and then delete one the later ones. Certain other wikis may have more detailed information, but beware of the extreme right-wing bias.
 * Love your neighbor as you would yourself.

Note that these Commandments are absolutely essential to the U.S. legal system, since exactly two commandments, for a whopping 20%, are adopted into the U.S. legal code, whereas people would never think not to kill or steal without Charlton Heston's divine revelations.

The Bible also mentions that you get extra points by violating multiple commandments in one action. For example, last Sunday I raped my neighbor's new wife (all the while screaming "Oh God!") to death before they consummated (thus stealing her virginity) as a ritual to the cult of Aleister Crowley, all without letting my current wife know. Oh, and I had my parents duct-taped to chairs, forced to watch me do it.

By the way, Buddha did it in four.