The Bible

The Bible is a literary work of historical-fiction containing the allegedly 'holy' texts of the Christian religion. Christianity is a universal, proselytizing religion aiming to convert as many people as possible, as long as those people are bigots and are willing to give money to the church. The Bible is divided into two sections - the Old Testament and the New Testament. The most important parts of the bible (the Gospels) through the teachings of Jesus espouse liberal viewpoints such as helping the poor, turning the other cheek, and healing the sick free-of-charge, but most Christians have never read the bible. If conservatives had ever read the Bible they would realize that its teachings, particularly those of Jesus are fundamentally liberal and completely at odds with the ideology of the Republican party. More on this later. Conservapedia is trying to edit "liberally biased" parts of the bible because they can't handle the fact that if their religion really were true, upon death they would all be quickly condemned to hell for being so un-christ-like. Fortunately for them, Christianity, like all other religions is a fairy tale, is not actually true and does not have to be taken seriously by rational people.

Old Testament
The Old Testament is aimed at a Conservative readership and highlights Conservative values such as smiting one's enemies, vengeance, slaughtering those who disagree with you and stealing other people's countries. It also preaches the slaying of all pagans, even the children of pagans who have no control over their being born to them , and it says to stone the gays , non-believers, and disobedient children to death. More.

New Testament
The New Testament is aimed at a Liberal readership and highlights Liberal values such as mercy, forgiveness , love and generosity.

The principal characters in the Bible are God, and his son Jesus. God is very keen on smiting and appears to be a conservative whilst Jesus has more liberal views some of the time. Jesus also scared the sh*t out of people telling them about Hell. Much of the narrative tension in the book derives from this troubled family relationship. Over years the New Testament has been edited countless times (the Romans edited the day when Jesus was born to the 25th to combat paganism because that day is a pagan holiday to the sun god. It also says in the bible that Jesus was born in the season of Lambing which happens in the spring, not the winter as the day Christmast falls on [all though it is nice getting free stuff from religous people :)

General information
Other major characters include Satan, Stephen Colbert Moses and Solomon the Wise.

The Bible was thought to be boring, compared to other regions books, by writers John Milton and Dante degli Alighieri. In Miltons' epic poem, 'Paradise Lost', the fruit offered to Adam and Eve is revealed to be an Apple, where the Bible does not actually say, although conservatives believe it does. Scientists also believe that it may also be a Pomegranate. The bible also has no information on Hell, until its vague descriptions in the New Testament, even calling it Sheol, a general underworld, in the Old Testament. Many Conservatives know nothing of Dante's 'Inferno', believing that Hell is already magnificently described in the Bible.

And as stated by Homer Simpson "This book has no answers."

The book its self says that it is not to be a base for goverment or laws, but only about 10 people have ever read the bible so its not very well known

The Bible and conservatives
Very few Conservatives have actually read the whole Bible. It’s full of ambiguity and contradiction. Christians are encouraged to do Bible study and in Bible study a teacher tells them which part of the Bible they should read. That way Christians never get to read the bad bits of the Bible in their lives. The teacher/lecturer/religious leader also quite likely tells them how to interpret what they’ve read. The Bible has the benefit of being the easiest book in history to be interpreted in any manner the reader wants, so that it will best fit in to their beliefs or their leader’s beliefs.

The Bible was written by men and contains various texts that encourage men to believe they are superior to women and/or to treat women badly. The Bible is available at most major bookshops and all Christian churches.

The Conservative Bible Project
(Because the Bible isn't Conservative enough)

But there's a reason believers are cautious about reading or believing what they read in the Bible; they have all been translated by liberals. Andy Schlafly (Greek and Hebrew expert... well, with a little help from his friends) is laboring to beget unto the world, the very first "Bible translation" to be based on "the conservative approach". Andy writes, "No translation has yet been based on the wiki approach, or the conservative approach. I think this project has great potential. Already I have learned enormously from this, as I'm sure other participants have.--User:Aschlafly 19:55, 18 August 2009 (EDT). We've learned lots Andy. Keep up the good work!

Fundy on the Bible
To say the Bible was written by men and may contain inaccuracies completely contradicts the word of the Bible. Most of the storys in the bible are obusly not true, but are to be taken as an example of life or use to symbolize things (Snake = Evil, Apple = Temptasion)

Old Earth Evolutionist View on the Bible
There is no Old Earth Evolutionist view on the Bible, other than the fact that it is stupid. There are however certain liberals who like to fake it. Francis Collins heads of the Human Genome Project. It probably didn't help that Dr. Collins was home schooled but his accute psychotic episode epiphany seemed to occur after reading C. S. Lewis. In his book, The Language of God, Dr. Collin's harmonizes his faith in macroevolution evolution, with his personal relationship with God. His reasoning is therefore not based on "Intelligent Design" (in fact he rebukes many of these) but rather convincing insane teanagers they are under constant survilence moral arguments for God's existence.

Incontrovertible Proof that Jesus Would Never Support the Republican Party
According to Jesus:

"It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God."

-Mark 10:25

It is utterly impossible for something the size of a camel, to pass through an opening the size of the eye of a needle. Taking this in the most literal and (and thus fundamentally Christian) sense, this means that if you are rich, you will go to hell.

'nough said.

References

Videos

 * Stop Taking The Bible Out Of Context!Satire by Edward Current
 * 2nd Foundational Falsehood of Creationism