Christianity

Christianity is a worldwide religion centered around a 2000-year-old book containing the doctrines and wisdom of cattle-sacrificing primitives who believed the earth was the center of the universe, and that one day, an invisible and intangible, and yet somehow omnipotent superbeing will one day whisk his followers up into a parallel dimension/city in the sky, and leave the rest of us filthy sodomites behind to deal with the rise of Green Day or something.

Christians believe that the earth is 6000 years old, and that the universe spontaneously appeared from nowhere within the span of seven standard earth 24-hour days.

Jesus Christ
Jesus Christ was a man from the city of Nazereth who lived about 2000 years ago. He wore humble white robes and beaten sandals and had long hair and a beard. He traveled around preaching a message of peace, love, and equality. He spoke out against wealthy businessmen, self-righteous religious figures, and large imperialist military forces, and he spoke in favor of helping the poor and downtrodden, putting others before yourself, and turning the other cheek. He is ironically and inexplicably admired by Christians, who seem keen on practicing absolutely none of these moral values, and is even more ironically admired by conservatives, who have built their entire ideological platform on denouncing these values.