Creationism

Creationism
The Theory of Creationism is a bogus claim by stupid, mean, poo-poo face, baby eating conservatives (who make babies cry) that the universe is so complex that some higher power created it.

The Creation
Creationists believe that one day God was in his room playing with his toys. Then he got out his Playdoh and made a blue ball. He put some more doh of different colors onto the blue doh-ball, thus creating the land and the sea. Furthermore, he took all his little action figures and placed them about on the Playdoh, creating the Earth's animals. Finally, he took his Ken doll and thus created Adam.

The Growth of Mankind
There are two different stories to the Creation theory. One, is that Ken....I mean, Adam said to God, "I'm lonely." So God went into his sister's room, stole one of her Barbie dolls, and gave it to Adam and named it Eve. The other story is that while Adam was sleeping, God ripped one of the plastic appendages off Adam's body and Eve sprouted from that.

After getting kicked out of the Garden of Eden because they talked to a snake (lol), Adam and Eve had two children, Cain and Abel. Cain was mean, Abel was nice....so Cain killed Abel. Then he went off and had buttsex with his sister (wherever she came from) and gave birth the next generation of man. Then they had buttsex with each other and this repeated to where you, my dear reader, are now.

Yep, according to Creationists, you are the result of thousands of years of incestial relationships because some higher power grew bored in his room while playing with his toys.

Trivia
There are in fact two different versions of Eve's origins. Use with caution against conservative friends who say you must take the Bible literally when there are actually two versions of the same story.