Adolf Hitler



Adolf Hitler (20 April 1889 – 30 April 1945) was a failed artist and right-wing fascist who came close to destroying his own country when Nazi Germany lost World War II.

Preemptive strike
Hitler used the preemptive strike doctrine to invade Poland, Russia, and France. He was an extreme social conservative, as well as a textbook terrorist, thus proving that not all terrorists are Muslims. He killed twelve million people, including six million Jews and six million who were either homosexuals, gypsies or communists. Benito Mussolini helped Hitler during World War II.

Today, there are a number of neoconservatives - some more extreme than others - who share Hitler's values. They are just fine with a preemptive strike against Iceland, Texas, Iraq, and Iran. Some are just as socially conservative, and they wouldn't blink to kill liberals, most of whom are Jewish, homosexual, or Roman Catholic. The modern Republican party in the United States is has many of these people in there amongst there members.

Sexual interests
Unconfirmed reports suggest that Hitler may have been deviant in his sexual tastes. According to interviews with Otto Strasser, Hitler made his niece, Angela Raubal (whom he called Geli), "squat over his face ... [and] demanded that she urinate on him, and this gave him sexual pleasure"

It is also rumored that, when not busy planning new ways to kill even more Jews, he was busy getting shat on.

Religious interests
Hitler was a member of the Roman Catholic Church throughout his life and was never excommunicated. Hitler used his crazy version of Christianity to try and justify Anti-semitism.  

A Hero?
Hitler is particularly famous for his heroism; that is to say, he shot himself while simultaneously biting into a cyanide capsule as a means of attaining "martyrdom", even though he proclaimed unto the German people that "Should I fail my holy mission, you must 'crucify me'!" soon after becoming Führer. What good does a heroin through drugs do if you blow your own brains out before you can even poison yourself? Seriously. Think about it.

Oh, and in his will, he blamed the Jews (go figure) for starting the war, and his own top generals for losing it. Again, go figure.

Satire
Whether you liked him or not, you have to admit: any form of media portraying or making direct reference to Hitler is almost always funny, satirically speaking. Video snippets of the hilarious hand gestures and cracked-up facial expressions that accompanied his many speeches have given birth to a variety of parodies over the internet, including a clip of Hitler taking a bite out of a watermelon, because Nazis just can't get enough watermelons. Hitler was the undisputed biggest asshole of the 20th Century century, inspiring idiots at teabagger rallies to draw his moustache onto pictures with a sharpie.